


Sugar to my Strawberry

by MarteloDeAssis



Category: Bleach
Genre: Beta Wanted, Crumbling heterosexuality, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension, more to come - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:07:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6913996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarteloDeAssis/pseuds/MarteloDeAssis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurosaki Ichigo is an ordinary 17 years old boy who believes his life is tedious and bland.<br/>He works as an assistant in a company and is blind to his mates and superiors' worries towards him.</p><p>A series of events triggers a new meaning to Ichigo's life and sweetens the boy's sour chore of living.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**My epic life.**

* * *

 

_What makes life interesting? What do great stories have that my life lacks? Are there any chances that a story in which the main character works, has meals and goes to the toilet can be entertaining? Well… I guess I should not bother with such questions anyway, I am not getting late to work again…_

Those were the thoughts of Kurosaki Ichigo, a 17 years old boy bestowed with no greater power than putting up with an ordinary person’s routine and with no nobler mission than paying his bills with the few pennies he receives. Ichigo turned away from the mirror, laughing at himself for being so naïve… he was right, who on world would want to peek on his life?

Sleepily, Ichigo rubbed the towel along his legs so as to finishing drying from the shower he took. He was short on time, unless he hurried his routines and left home as soon as possible this would be the third time in a row he gets late to work.

“Ichi-nii! Dad has already left, he said you’ll have to get the bus.” A faint voice could be heard through the toilet’s sturdy door.

_What a pain… Now I will really be late, that stupid old man could have waited a little longer…_

Ichigo opened the door in annoyance, letting the steam of his hot shower escape from the bathroom as he bolted towards his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Disregarding any peculiarities of such a unique bright day over the window, the boy dressed up quickly in his suit, packed his bag and closed the door of his bedroom. It would be another day, more of the same.

Copiously, Ichigo went through his daily obstacles: making him some breakfast, small talking with his sisters, brushing his teeth, leaving home, talking about the weather in the bus stop and waving a half-baked ‘good morning’ to his mates at work.

It all was a pain, but practice brought him the prowess not to ever falter in distancing himself from people and walking past life, as any good citizen is expected to do in order to maintain harmony in society.

“Hey, Ichigo… what’s going to be today’s excuse, I wonder?” Ishida Uryuu, one of Ichigo’s mates, and a rather picky one, asked in a teasing tone.

“Ishida… I just got up late. Why do you ask?” Ichigo replied while turning on his notebook.

“I guess even you could figure that Mr. Grimmjow is not a tad happy with your punctuality.” Ishida smirked provocatively.

“Well then, it’s something to be sorted between us. Any other business of yours here?” Ichigo decided to not make any effort towards being polite.

“Hmmpf! Someone must be in a bad mood today. He wanted to see you as soon as you arrived.” Ishida went back to his seat leaving the message he was meant to deliver.

_What a pain… what does he want so early in the morning? I hope it’s fast, I still have to finish that presentation he asked me to format or else both of us will get in trouble with the director._

Ichigo headed towards a door bearing a metallic plaque with ‘Mr. Grimmjow’ carved in it with a brief description below ‘Product development manager’. As Ichigo knocked on the door an allowance for his entrance was uttered in no time. Opening the door revealed the figure of a young blue-haired man, dressed in suit, sat behind a notebook laying on his sturdy wooden table.

“Good morning Kurosaki!” Said Grimmjow smiling in good mood.

“Good morning Mr. Grimmjow! Sorry for being late, it won’t happen again!” Ichigo feigned a cheerful warm tone to his greeting while taking a seat before his boss.

“It’s nice to see you are fine today, some people came to me claiming you were a bit depressed lately. Is there anything you want to talk?” Grimmjow showed his worries for Ichigo, completely forgetting about the boy’s apology.

_Depressed? No… I wouldn’t say that, it’s not that I am happy either, I am just… normal… I guess._

 “Oh… No, I am sure they must have been mistaken, I am quite the same everyday” Ichigo replied after clearing the doubt that popped in his mind.

“Really? Well, that’s a relief, you look so much better when cheerful as you are now. I have already told you that although I am your boss I also want to be a friend for you, if you need any help speak up, Ok?” Grimmjow spoke looking directly to Ichigo’s eyes.

_He always says that… sometimes it creeps me that he is so caring to me, after all I am nothing but an assistant and he’s a manager._

“Now, as for getting late, I will ask for your collaboration… I don’t want to take action about it, but as a manager I can’t avoid it if it’s too abusive. Now, how is it going with that presentation? Mr. Shuuhei needed to anticipate it due to other appointments and we have less than an hour.” Grimmjow put a serious expression as he changed the conversation’s subject.

Ichigo gulped as he heard Grimmjow’s words. He was, in fact, not quite close to finishing it. Despite his efforts to hide his panic, Grimmjow could glance at the boy’s despair.

“Mr. Grimmjow, I am sorry, I still have some work to do on it. If I may go now I shall take it on immediately." Ichigo stood up and nodded his head to Grimmjow, seeking permission to leave.

With a sigh Grimmjow moved his eyes to his screen and nodded slightly to Ichigo. The boy bolted towards his desk and resumed his work from the previous day. Haste, despair, fear, confusion, boredom and drowsiness sprung on his face as he typed and bent his mouse with intensity.

“Wow! Looks like someone is in a pinch, huh?” Ichigo continued working as there was no need to do any investigation to realize it was Abarai Renji, one of his hierarchically higher mates, who talked.

“You seem busy too, Renji.” Ichigo replied sarcastically

“How do you tell that? You aren’t even looking at me… Jesus, what happened there?” Renji stopped his mocking and asked curiously

“Abarai, Kurosaki must have been threatened by Mr. Grimmjow and now is trying to make up for it. Am I right Ichigo?” This time it was Hanatarou, another assistant just like him, speaking with no ill-intention. Ichigo ignored both, however.

“You two, let him be. This guy is in bad mood today, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up throwing his notebook on you after some more mocking.” Ishida said with a smirk on his face.

_Damn… I won’t have enough time… these idiots keep distracting me… I wonder what Mr. Grimmjow will do if I don’t get it on time…_

Ichigo felt a sudden pat on his shoulder and turned his face to glance at the bastard who was interrupting him in such a dreadful situation. Before he could utter a single swear, he glimpsed at a young man’s face tattooed with the number 69.

“M-Mr. Shuuhei, good morning! Is it time yet?” Sweat dripped down Ichigo’s forehead and his hands trembled at the sight of director Hisagi Shuuhei before him.

“Good morning, Ichigo! I had to come earlier today, yet another appointment, but I decided not to postpone our meeting in respect to the work you and Grimmjow have been developing. I am anxious to see it. Shall we go?” Hisagi smiled as his hand rested on Ichigo’s shoulder.

Even though the director was so kind to Ichigo, it did not relieve him from the burden of having to deliver his presentation. Now, however, the burden was even heavier, he was also guilty of letting Hisagi down after witnessing the director’s consideration towards his efforts.

“Oh… ok, I am about to finish… Just let me save it real quick and I will head there.” Ichigo tried to hide his despair as much as possible. Hisagi nodded and left towards Grimmjow’s room, unsuspicious of Ichigo’s situation.

_Ok… I am fired, there’s no way I am getting out of this untouched… What a pain!_

Ichigo walked towards the room holding his notebook. He knocked on the door as if it would be the last time he could enjoy Grimmjow’s care and Hisagi’s kindness, both were so sweet and considerate… Now Ichigo was going to let them down and try their sourness for the first time.

“Come in Ichigo!” Said Grimmjow cheerfully.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo faces the consequences of his lack of commitment with work and it leads him to an unprecedented opportunity in his life... what could it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was an introduction and this one is a set-up for an upcoming conflict. Chapter 3 will bring some very interesting plot issues.

**Sweetness, a forsaken taste to my life.**

* * *

 

As Ichigo opened the door, he faced Grimmjow and Hisagi, both sat by the table waiting for him.

"Sorry for the delay..." Ichigo tried to hide his worry while taking his seat

"It's ok. So Hisagi, as we had talked earlier, we are going to show you the project for developing a new product. Ichigo, can you run the slideshow on the TV?" Grimmjow started the meeting in the worst possible way for Ichigo.

_Oh damn... I thought I would have time to prepare for this... What to do? If I show it they will surely get mad... maybe is it better if I tell them it's not finished? Just when Mr. Shuuhei started noticing my work and Mr. Grimmjow relied on me... I am terrible for making this to them... I don't even know how to face them now..._

"Sorry Mr. Shuuhei... Mr. Grimmjow..."Ichigo looked down as his voice started oscillating and his eyes getting wet

"I feel terrible for this, but I haven't even finished half of the presentation... Sorry for not telling before... " Ichigo repented

Kurosaki Ichigo was before Grimmjow and Hisagi facing the floor trying to hide his tears. Hisagi noticed the boy's cry and approached.

"Ichigo, what happened? Why are you crying?" Hisagi lifted Ichigo's chin with his hand to reveal the boy's flushed face with watery eyes.

"It's nothing... Mr Shuuhei, I am sorry... I feel terrible for disappointing both of you..." Ichigo turned his face again to hide his emotional burst.

"Calm down Ichigo, you really were at fault for not doing the presentation, but everything is ok, we will just postpone it. Everybody makes mistakes" Grimmjow tried to cheer up Ichigo,.

Hisagi looked austerely at Grimmjow while patting Ichigo's head.

"Grimmjow, you, as his manager, take part of the responsibility, you know... I suggest you talk to him later. I will be going now, I have another appointment. As for this meeting, let's reschedule to next week, ok?" Hisagi to his blue-haired subordinate.

"Ok, Hisagi. Sorry for wasting your time." Grimmjow apologized to the director. Hisagi waved a goodbye and left the room with nobody but Ichigo and Grimmjow.

"Ichigo, sit here next to me, I want to talk to you." Grimmjow said in a friendly tone and Ichigo felt a relief with this kind of treatment, then the boy was just before his manager, sat by the wooden table with his arms resting on it. Before Grimmjow started talking, he stood up and undressed his blazer, placing it on his chair's back.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" The manager's gaze pierced Ichigo's eyes, as if raiding his mind in search of an answer. The boy felt there was nothing he could hide from those eyes, that his entire existence was analyzed in a matter of seconds.

"Sorry Mr. Grimmjow... Lately I haven't been on my best with social engagements such as work, university and even my friends." Ichigo admitted.

"So... you are telling me that, forgive my bluntness, you were not giving a shit to your job?" Grimmjow asked inquisitively

"Yes..." Ichigo lowered his head and sighed the confirmation of Grimmjow's question in resign.

"I'm glad... I am glad that you had the courage to speak so honestly with me Ichigo." Grimmjow smiled and softened his tone

"You know, it's ok to feel like that... Everybody goes through those moments and I am here not to fire you nor scold you... I want to help you overcome your crisis." Grimmjow spoke with tenderness enough to make Ichigo loosen his defenses and look back to his boss.

"May I ask you what do you do in your free time?" Grimmjow asked

"Uh... I stay mostly at my room listening to music and watching movies. Sometimes I also go to the cinema with my sisters and my father." Ichigo answered curious to what Grimmjow's intentions were.

"I see... and what do you do with your friends?" Grimmjow raised another question

"Well, now that I am in college's vacations I don't see them very much... In fact I am not that many friends guy to begin with. Most of my friends were from school and we lost contact..." Ichigo saddened as he spoke.

"Have you ever dated anyone?" Grimmjow asked again without caring to not interrupt Ichigo.

"No... " Ichigo flinched at that question.

_What does he mean? Or better, why did he ask that? I can't think of why my past relationships would be of his interest unless he's actually interested in having one with me... Oh man, what do I do? Maybe I'll send a bait..._

"And you, Mr. Grimmjow?" Ichigo replied with another question, showing a bit of eagerness to listen to its answer.

"Oh drop the 'Mr.', please. As for your question, yes I do and currently I am married... The reason I've asked you this is because I think you are probably a bit lonely and lost... Also I wanted to invite you to have dinner at my house today. It's my cousin's birthday and we are having a family meeting, with some friends tagging along as well. I am inviting you not as your boss but as your friend.What do you say?" Ichigo's eyes widened and his chin dropped as Grimmjow finished his proposal.

_What is that all of a sudden? How can I possibly go to my boss's house just like this... Yet, he seems to be really trying to befriend me, which makes me kind of happy... Also, he's married, I won't have to worry about anything awkward happening, so I guess it's safe to go._

"Can you text me the address and I will check with my dad if I can go?" Ichigo tried to avoid giving any certainties of his intentions.

"Sure, let me send it to you now. I am happy I could get to this point with you, I have a meeting right now and I won't come back here for the rest of the day. So I wait for you tonight." Grimmjow took his blazer and on his way out he turned to Ichigo with a smile.

_I guess he missed the part of me going to ask my dad... Damn, is that on purpose for making me feel guilty? I guess I will stop this bitching and go anyway._

After leaving Grimmjow's room, Ichigo returned to his seat and silently withstood the barrage of questions about matters such as Hisagi's kindness towards him, his performance at the meeting (for which he went in complete despair), Grimmjow's happy face when walking out of his room. Not an answer given and not a word muttered, Ichigo just wouldn't care to what his work mates thought about him. Eventually the interest faded away and the interrogation ceased, everybody returned to their tasks as if nothing had happened at all.

_What's up with me? blushing whenever I remember him asking if I ever ... Dated.... someone... I kinda like the sound of that, but why am I so keen on this? Why do I keep fantasizing that I will go to his house today and meet some really hot girls? I've never felt this anxious about a party or social gathering, nor the possibility of... kissing... a girl caught so much attention..._

 

Ichigo could not sort out only two things in his mind: the reason why he was anticipating this party so much and what set of clothing should he wear that night.

After giving some thought, Ichigo was looking at himself fully dressed in a charming black V-collared sweater, showing the white of his shirt worn underneath it and hiding the majority of a red tie, that runs from his neck, wrapping the white collar, down underneath the darkness of the sweater. As for his pants, a pair of beige casual thick trousers tight on his thighs but slightly loose under his knees, folding a bit over his shining black shoes. He was absolutely uncluttered, so preciously tidy and clean looking that one could notice how much care he gave to choosing his dressing and to putting everything in order and applying the finishing touches.

_Oh my... I am truly handsome... I've never thought I would be so delighted to see myself dressed like this... I guess I would even date myself... But that's silly, I can't do that and I am also not a woman!_

"Cya Dad! I am going to a party, I will be back later... Or even by tomorrow, as today is Friday." Ichigo shouted to his father while opening his house's front door, ready to walk to Grimmjow's house, which wasn't very far from there.

_Did Grimmjow tell me the name of his cousin? Well, being from his family it doesn't matter that much... She must be really pretty! Well, he didn't say whether it is a boy or a girl, but I guess that if he made that question about dating it's only natural it would be a girl... Is he trying to set me up with his cousin? It's funny that sometimes I catch myself thinking I should be careful not to fall in love with him, he's very charming despite being a man... I can't wait to see his cousin!_

Ichigo almost walked past he house while drown in his thoughts. This night would be a turning point in his life, energy was springing inside him, he once more could hear music from the blowing of the wind, smell the fragrance of the fresh air carrying aromas of nearby flowers and herbs, feel the warmth of this cold night nourishing his desires and glance at the beauty of his surroundings. Every sense of his was awakened, just like that time from six months ago. Once more, after his night with Inoue Orihime he felt alive again. Could it be the hope for a new love, the sprouting of a new chance? Certainly it was an augur of being on the verge of meeting an incredible girl who would help him overcome past traumas, of which he had not desire to think. Or so he thought, while knocking on the door.

"Oh Hello Ichigo, Good evening! Come in, please!" A voice called as the door opened.

"M-Mr. Shuuhei ?!" 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo's world is shaken and begins to crumble... What is him being lead to?

**The overwhelming taste of my embarrassment**

* * *

 Hisagi Shuuhei was the man that both sapped Ichigo's breathe with not only his casual look and its unprecendentedness but also with the very fact it was him opening Grimmjow's door.

Ichigo could not help but stare at his 26 years old director, setting his gaze on the man's uncollared neck, showing his young tanned skin that dimly reflected the moonlight. Ichigo's sight swirled around his director's exposed biceps, contouring the stiff mounds of flesh in bedazzlement. 

"Is there any problem, Ichigo?" Hisagi expressed his surprise as he could not understand why the boy froze before his appearance.

Hisagi's hand traveled from its resting position beside the director's thighs towards Kurosaki's cheeks. The boy could feel his blood rushing his face, his heart throbbing, his buttocks stiffening and a warm breath leaving his mouth as it opened slightly. As Ichigo leaned his face forward to meet that warm hand that would protect his delicate face from the cold night's wind, a thought surged his head.

_B-But... He's a man!_

Ichigo's throat clutched, his abs stiffened and a hardly swallowed sip of his saliva fought its way through the narrow walls of the boy's throat. If this tiny portion of liquid had any sense whatsoever it could not miss the fact that its owner was terrified that something could go through that crevice, some kind of utter that would give away his desire for the young director. But nobody could blame the poor liquid, even if it could speak, its master would deny to death his desires, for he was facing a man. Not a woman.

"N-No... Mr. Shuuhei, I am sorry, I just thought I had left the oven on when I left home, but I guess it's alright..." Ichigo could not be more creative when making up his excuse for being a few seconds away from mouthing one of the director's fingers as his hand bent towards Ichigo's face.

"Quite cautious of you to be worried about that... I'm glad it's ok. So, let's come in?" Said Hisagi trying not to laugh at Ichigo while smiling invitingly.

With a nod and the flush of his face paling to his skin's original color, Ichigo proceeded. Hisagi was just another invitee, nothing wrong with that, so he thought. 

It did not take long for Ichigo to be greeted by Grimmjow. Waving yonder the corridor, then having his inertia broken by the swift steps towards Ichigo, Grimmjow radiated an uncharacteristic smile. 

Radiation did not only apply to his smile but also to a strange heat that rushed Ichigo's body and was felt by him alone, leaving everything between both men untouched. Thus, I guess, one could not call it radiation properly, but Ichigo could not tell he was taking an active role in this rather than being passively radiated by that man's heat. It would be compromising to realize that, let alone gay.

Ichigo's gaze sank in between the huge protruding pecks, he could watch his wits strike that dimly shiny skin and drip down underneath the fine cloth of Grimmjow's sweater, contouring the bulges of those toned abs whilst sliding down beneath the loose waistband of his the man's pants to picture the threshold between his warm luscious skin and that piece of clothing that veiled a mystery Ichigo could not believe he was delving in. Such a gayness.

_B-But he's not a woman!_

Ichigo gasped as his mind retreated from investigation and he was left with nothing but the sight of those blue eyes staring him up close.

"Good evening Ichigo! I am glad you came!" Grimmjow said smilingly

Ichigo's face flushed and his eyes widened, he was so close to that man, whom his lips tried to reach in an attempt to pull his entire face forward, but failed due to lack of strength in comparison to the boy's self consciousness. Ichigo was terrorized: Grimmjow was not a woman!

Suddenly Ichigo could see Grimmjow retreat as his smile changed into a grin and a hum could be heard escaping through the tiny crevices between his white teeth. Apparently that mischievous looking man had a brilliant idea.

"G-Good evening, Grimmjow... Thanks for inviting me..." Ichigo tried to pull a straight face.

Ichigo was so worried about not kissing Grimmjow that he took long to realize that both his boss and Hisagi were holding hands. But he insisted to himself they were just close friends. After all, none of them was a woman.

"Come with us, dinner is almost ready, I am going to present you to our family." Grimmjow and Hisagi lead the way as Ichigo followed while trying to imagine how Grimmjow's wife should look like, in order to distract his attention from those men in front on him. Again, he failed to notice a tiny but meaningful detail such as Grimmjow using 'our' before the word 'family'. But why would he bother with that? They were both men!

The corridor ended in a broad room with a huge rectangular table in its center. 

"Guys, this is the friend I told you about from work, please give him a warm reception" Grimmjow declared while directing the other guests' attention towards Ichigo. Among tender greeting and smiles, Ichigo could feel at peace. He took his time to gaze at the people sat by the dining table to search for the so sought after cousin of Grimmjow's.

"Ichigo, I am gonna present you our family: This is Rukia, my younger sister; Nanao, Hisagi's cousin; Ulquiorra, my older brother; Szayel, Hisagi's brother; Byakuya, my older brother; Zaraki, well I could say he's our new family member, and finally Toushirou, my cousin, the reason for this party tonight." Said Grimmjow tenderly, rejoicing the family reunion while presenting them to ichigo.

_Wait... This Toushirou is not a girl... Man, I can't believe it!_

"Oh, and needless to present but as a mere formality: Hisagi, my husband." Grimmjow grinned mischievously at Ichigo's confusion.

_H-Husband? As in married with Hisagi? Grimmjow and Hisagi together? But... who's the woman?_

Poor Ichigo, he could not grasp the simplicity lying before his eyes. One could rant at his ill-intentioned attempt to deny that reality or pity his ignorance. Either way, this fact was unprecedented in his life, Ichigo's had been living so naively sunk in the world his father, his teachers and classmates painted before his eyes that he often failed to notice anything beyond this world's normality.

"Pardon me... You two are married?" Ichigo asked in confusion. Grimmjow's grin burst in laughter as if he was having fun with the situation, then in no time he contained his expression and returned to his usual smile.

"Yes, we are, sorry for not telling you before, I was eager to see your reaction" Grimmjow confessed

"You might be confused to see how differently we behave during day time at work. We are very serious in separating work life from personal life. Is that why you are shocked Kurosaki?" Said Hisagi gently

_Well I would not say it's only that..._

"O-Oh... Sure, it was a shock, I didn't expect..." Ichigo tried to hide the fact his astonishment was also due to them being two men.

Hisagi pulled a chair from the table as he gestured for Ichigo to take the seat. Ichigo sat at one of the extremities along the length of the table, facing Toushirou at the other edge. Clockwise from Toushirou: Rukia and Nanao were chatting; Ulquiorra and Szayel were looking at their empty plates waiting for dinner; Ichigo was blushing with the white-haired boy's stare; Hisagi was sat waiting for Grimmjow to arrive with the food; Grimmjow's chair was vacant and Byakuya and Zaraki were arguing about something.

Ichigo's face flushed more and more as Toushirou's gaze scrutinized him, the boy's tongue tip discreetly ran around his lips making sure Ichigo could watch it. As Grimmjow arrived with the food, Ichigo faced away from his boss' cousin.

"Tonight we are having this delicious soup, secret recipe, sorry guys!" Grimmjow boasted while placing the huge pan on the table.

As Grimmjow sat down, Toushirou stood up and headed towards the soup with his plate in hands. After serving a generous amount, the white-haired boy walked calmly to Ichigo, balancing the plate not to spill its content. He placed the dish in front of Ichigo as the boy's eyes meet his, fixed in astonishment paying no attention to the soup before him whatsoever. After swirling the spoon some times inside the soup, Toushirou takes it full towards Ichigo's mouth.

"Toushirou, what are you doing?" Grimmjow asked in confusion as he watched the spoon poking Ichigo's closed lips.

"Come on Ichigo, this is my way of showing you my affection, let's be friends" Toushirou said amid a grin.

Ichigo was hypnotized by those eyes, he could not structure his thoughts right, all he could perceive was his emotional eagerness to stay close to that boy and receive his care, he wanted to have Toushirou by his side feeding him and caressing him. Ichigo's mouth opened and the liquid was poured gently inside, as the incredible burst of flavor softened Ichigo's tension and woke his senses. With a mighty swallow his eyes widened and his head leaned backwards.

_What the hell?! Did I just get fed by him? What is he trying to do? This way of showing friendship is strange... It seemed as if... No... It's too confusing..._

"Toushirou... What was that?" Ichigo asked amid gasps.

"Sorry if I scared you, I am just too caring for my friends... can you forgive me?" Said the innocently looking boy with a seemingly repented tone. Ichigo's heart softened, his springing anger dispersed and he nodded with a faint smile.

"Toushirou, sit down, don't scare Ichigo... Sometimes you are really odd..." Grimmjow ordered sighing.

During the whole meal, Ichigo's gaze switched between his soup and Toushirou as he noticed the boy did the same with their sights occasionally meeting. Embarrassment ran through Ichigo as Toushirou smiled at the clashing of their gazes. 

"Is everyone full? Well, it's a pity, I guess I am not serving the desert then!" Grimmjow provoked the guests as protests filled the room, only ceasing when he brought a beautiful looking strawberry pie.

"Ichigo, sorry but I couldn't resist the pun. Anyway, Toushirou, you are the first as it's your birthday today. I guess we don't need to sing happy birthday to you huh?" Grimmjow called Toushirou in a mocking tone.

"Shut up... Well, I am not going to give anyone the first piece, however, I am very a very gregarious and sympathetic person so I would like to make our guest feel welcome to our family by dedicating my first piece to him." Announced Toushirou as he looked fixedly at Ichigo while wrapping his tongue around a strawberry he grabbed from his dish. With a mischievous grin he ceased the licking and bit the fruit vigorously.

Ichigo was too innocent to grasp that his name was an homophone of strawberry in Japanese, so he failed to understand the meaning of all that. However, he was intelligent enough to understand that the boy before him had intentions other than simply dedicating a piece of pie to him... Strangely enough, what he felt was not revolt nor anger, but a mysterious warming in his heart and a gleam fill his eyes, almost uttering the word 'cute'... But Toushirou was a boy... Not a woman.

"Ichigo, do you drink? We are serving some cocktails now" Grimmjow patted the boy's shoulder as he asked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo's embarrassment reaches a higher level as he ends up in a desperate situation with Toushirou. What will happen between them? How does Ichigo feel about all that is happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts using some "crude" inevitable words. It's coming to the point things will become more explicit, however, I will try not to go overboard with pornography on later chapters just yet.

**The epitome of my shame**

* * *

_Drink? As in alcoholic drink? Well... it's been such a long time I don't have anything, I guess just a beer would be okay..._

"Oh, Yes Grimmjow, please... I would like a beer if you have it." Ichigo asked with both politeness and a faint fear of getting high enough to do things that... well he didn't want to think about that, that's why he asked for beer, it's weak and safe as he had already had it before.

Grimmjow smirked and massaged Ichigo's shoulder softly, which sent a chill through the boy's body leading into a sudden shudder of his shoulders followed by a moan he quickly muffled with a clench of his throat.

_Why am I feeling this? What would Grimmjow think of me if I let that moan out? What's with his touch to make that to me?_

"Beer? Sorry we don't have that... But we do have vodka cocktails or whisky if you like it. Don't be so tense, just don't overdo it. Everything in life can be enjoyable in moderation" Grimmjow smiled as he slipped his hand to grab Ichigo's and conduced the boy, to which he didn't try to resist at all. Still dazed in thoughts, Ichigo followed Grimmjow to the bar.

Ichigo's trance was broken as Grimmjow pressed his hand softly. The boy looked at Grimmjow's blue eyes in fright as he noticed the man leaning against a bar counter where a bottle of vodka along with some sugar, strawberries and ice laid.

"Hey, are you ok, Ichigo?" Grimmjow asked slightly worried with the boy's spacing out.

"Sorry Grimmjow, I-I just remembered I had to... feed my cat, but my sisters are there so it's ok!" Lucky of Ichigo that Grimmjow didn't know he didn't have a cat. Ichigo smiled apprehensively, trying not to let Grimmjow know he was lost in thoughts because of him.

"I am impressed with your sense of responsibility, that's great. So... I will prepare one cocktail for you, tell me if you like it, ok?" Grimmjow turned to the counter and started mashing the strawberries with sugar in a shaker and finally adding the vodka and the ice. Ichigo's eyes were caught by the clenching of Grimmjow's arm muscles as he shook the metallic recipient vigorously, sending some water drops flying from his wet hand to his biceps, then dripping down to his armpit. Ichigo's gaze followed them in awe as a sip of drool escaped his mouth.

"It's ready! Wow you look really excited to try it!" Grimmjow laughed at Ichigo's face, while pouring the liquid in a glass, as the boy came back to his senses and wiped his drool before Grimmjow could notice.

"Thanks Grimmjow, let me taste it" Ichigo took the glass from Grimmjow's hand and gulped a large portion of it, inevitably leading him to choke, as the drink ran through his throat, and to bend his body in coughs.

"Don't be so eager! You have to drink it slowly! Well I have to talk to Hisagi now, why don't you go chat with the other guests and make some friends?" Grimmjow smiled at Ichigo's rashness as he tapped the boy's back trying to help him stop the choking.

"Th-Thanks Grimmjow, I'll remember that... I guess I will talk to Toushirou... He seems friendly." Ichigo was about to make his way towards the yard where the other guests, including Toushirou, were, when Grimmjow called him one last time.

"Listen Ichigo, I am very fond of Toushirou as he is my dear cousin... But don't be naive, he can be quite annoying sometimes. If you think he's being to pushy or making you feel uncomfortable tell me immediately, ok?" Grimmjow left after a friendly wink. Ichigo placed the cocktail on the counter and stared thoughtfully through the window.

_Well... I can say he's got some odd quirks, but I don't think he's a bad guy... He's... kind of cute... for a man. I am sure he didn't mean to do anything strange, he was just being affectionate. Friend's affection, that is!_

Ichigo insisted on fooling himself in every way possible while walking towards the yard. It was a beautiful night, the cloudless sky allowed the moon to shine brightly, the cold breeze hitting Ichigo's cheeks made them tingle with little chills. Just before him, across a small garden, Toushirou was sat along with Rukia and Nanao, chatting vividly, unintentionally exposing his hair's whiteness to blacken the moon's and his eyes' greenness to pale the grass's.

With a slight turn of head and a tiny smile, Toushirou threw an inviting wink at Ichigo, whose heart began to race on the wonders of what could that mean and on the anxiety of getting there as fast as possible to discover.

Ichigo's steps were unsure, his hands hidden in his pockets were moderately sweaty, his head was slightly facing away from the direction he was walking to as if trying to hide his eyes.

"Sit here, Ichigo!" As Ichigo stood before Toushirou, the white-haired boy smiled warmly, slid sideways away from the two girls and tapped the free space beside him on the bench, showing Ichigo where to sit: opposite to the girls.

As Ichigo sat down, he calmly laid his back against the bench's back, extended his legs a bit spread. With his hands still in his pocket, Ichigo looked at Toushirou's content face.

_Well, he's really enjoyable to be with. Very... kind... of him to not let me feel left out._

"Cold, isn't it?" the white haired boy smiled while staring at Ichigo's hands buried in his pockets.

"Yeah, kinda... Tou-..." Ichigo suddenly stopped what he was about to say as he felt a strange cold hand enter his pocket, gently covering his in a tender grip.

"Yeah?" The boy tightened his grip inside Ichigo's pocket and looked eagerly at his face.

_Hold on, Ichigo... this is awkward, but he must be cold too... Even though he's got pockets too, I think he's holding my hand for the human heat... No doubt it's getting warmer down there..._

Ichigo blushed when he felt his cock bulging against his pants, a few inches away from Toushirou's hand.

_Damn it! What is he going to think of me? I am not a pervert! No... this will spoil my chances of being his friend!_

"T-Toushirou... Wait, I've got to..." Ichigo tried to stand up as fast as he could but he was pulled back by Toushirou grabbing his waist.

"What happened, Ichigo?" Toushirou asked with a cynical smile which Ichigo read as innocence, thinking the boy didn't notice his erection.

"Uh... I have to go inside... it's too cold out here... Come with me" Ichigo was worried Toushirou would think he was running away, so he decided to invite him inside hoping his bulge would go off during the walk. The content smile in Toushirou's face was a relief to him, but his peace didn't last long as the white-haired boy immediately hugged his waist.

"I'm freezing here too... let's warm up." Ichigo could feel his erection leap, making a mighty bulge on his pants. Ichigo contorted, bent forward, marched, did everything he could to hide it, but it was of no use.

"What's happening?" Toushirou asked while muffling his laughter.

_Oh no! He's gonna notice it! I need to keep some distance... but I don't want him to think I am rejecting his company, after all he did to approach me... it would be cruel!_

"I-I am just too cold I am shuddering! Meet me inside!" It wasn't even that cold, but Ichigo couldn't think of anything else. He broke free from Toushirou's grip and ran towards the house.

Inside, Ichigo was desperate to rid himself from his erection.

_Oh my god... How can I make it go down? Maybe a cold drink would solve it? I'll give it a try..._

Ichigo took careful sips of the cocktail he left behind, reminding himself of Grimmjow's advice. However, the boy had only drank beer so far, he had no idea of how stronger vodka were. He was fine, still.

"Wow you were really in a hurry!" Said Toushirou entering the room while Ichigo drank the last drops of his strawberry cocktail.

"Well, I am much better now!" Ichigo threw him a goofy smile with a soft blush on his cheeks.

Ichigo suddenly felt a faint grumbling in his stomach, it was nothing bad, just some gases, so he thought.

"Anyway, let's sit somewhere, I wanted to talk to you..." Ichigo invited smilingly.

Toushirou smirked maliciously satisfied and took Ichigo by his hand.

"Where are we going to Toushirou?" Ichigo's face flushed as his hand as held and asked shyly.

"You are getting soft all of a sudden... What happened?" Toushirou stopped and stared at Ichigo's rosy face.

"I-I think I've drank too much... sorry..." Ichigo mumbled looking down as Toushirou grinned mischievously and resumed moving, but at a faster pace.

"To my room. We are going to my room, it's hotter there" Ichigo's judgement wasn't the best at this moment, so he easily agreed it was warmer in Toushirou's room.

As they were climbing up the stairs, Ichigo felt his belly grumble again and an increasing pressure made his ass loosen a bit.

_Damn! Why is it happening now? I've hardly eaten at all... I... need... a... toilet..._

"T-Toushirou... the toilet... please..." Ichigo halted his movement, barely able to stand. Toushirou rushed to grab him, despite the effort needed to lift a taller man, and took him to his suite's bathroom.

With a devious smile on his face he looked at Ichigo's suffering face, which showed a mix of fear, shame, discomfort and excitement.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you tonight, make sure you expel everything... I want you clean... when you are done, take a shower. I will be waiting for you" Toushirou said while releasing Ichigo and helping him reach the toilet bowl.

"Thanks... Toushirou... for taking care of me... Sorry for the trouble" Ichigo was muffling his cry of shame despite his eyes releasing some tears.

The white haired boy laughed maliciously at the scene, Ichigo's face crying in shame before him and clinging to his forgiveness was arousing. Toushirou stared at the boy's despair with struggling to undress his pretty outfit. The revealing of Ichigo's naked torso after stripping his shirt was turning on, Toushirou could feel his erection coming and so Ichigo, who looked at that bulge both confused and curious.

Ichigo quickly curved his back to reach for his shoes and started undoing the lace, as Toushirou approached him and patted his head.

"Don't take too long..." Ichigo could only hear Toushirou's calm and serious voice and, as he lifted his eyes from the floor, he could see the bulge throbbing on the boy's pants.

As the white haired boy left, Ichigo sat at the bowl in relief.

_Toushirou... what... are you doing to me? Are you embarrassed too? Sorry for making you feel like that in front of a guy... I am really terrible... a pervert... filthy..._

Ichigo broke in tears of shame and guilt as he released the first puddle of dump down a


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo gives in to the outburst of his nightmarish memories from a traumatic night. This regression awakes a pain he will have to expunge along with his inside's waste in order to achieve relief.

**My complete expunction**

* * *

 

His world shimmered due the effects of the alcohol he gulped a while ago and the mental weariness caused by his confused feelings towards Toushirou. Ichigo’s gaze was distant, through that ordinary toilet mat where both of his toes met, he could see the scenes of a traumatic night, forsaken in the depths of his memory.

His legs trembled with the cold, with his warms wrapped around his belly and his torso curled over his arms, Ichigo shivered as he felt spurts of his body’s waste break out from him, in no time he could hear the ordinary splashing every human being was used to and smell the filth every person had to cope with in the loneliness of their toilet hours.

Such filth was different in nature, however no less disgusting than that which permeated his thoughts in that eventful night. So he thought.

The cold and his chaotic overflow of emotions drew the lines of a scene he would rather not visit, however, his will was weakened enough for him to give in to that outburst of his dark memories.

It was cold, three teens had their chests immersed in the warm waters of a pool. The moonlight beamed down on their half-naked bodies, on the wavy surface that hid the trio and on the last drops of liquor from two glasses standing by the pool.

_Ke…i…go… No… I don’t want to see that… Sorry… Keigo…_

The three teens smiled vividly as their youth’s naivety sprouted rosy blushes on their faces. It was a tender time that one, their minds were enthralled in the simplicity of a life in which their only worries were grades, gossips and daydreams with their first crushes. Devoid of the tight responsibilities and the sturdy perspectives of adult life, they rejoiced over the wonders of questions such as who might Tatsuki likes or who may have been the one to devirginize Chad.

Amidst tender laughs, between Keigo and Inoue, Ichigo sook Inoue’s skin with his arm in seemingly accidental bumps and innocent touches while Keigo’s thigh tried to hide behind Ichigo’s and his hand softly rubbed Ichigo’s lower back. Everything so innocent, pure and naïve. Careless touches and bumps that could be blamed on the beer Ichigo had or on the stronger drinks the other two had.

The atmosphere was sweet, hot, and absorbing. Ichigo’s senses numbed, his whole self was slowly melting in that position he wanted to last forever.

_Stop… please… That day never happened, please don’t make me see that again…_

Ichigo’s erection was popping out his trunks and he couldn’t care less, all he wanted was to stay there forever… close to Inoue.

Or so he thought, never realizing that the shivers running down his spine and the leaps of his crotch were tied tightly to the rhythm of Keigo’s strokes and the waves of heat surging from the joint thighs.

In that bathroom, whimpering before the visions of his fearful past, Ichigo’s eyes watered tears of regret as the memory of Keigo’s touches awakened his erection, dried his mouth and inflicted a hungry pain to his chest. He craved for feeling that again, he was eager to his friend’s touches, he was about to beg to come back to that day, to live all that again… But all he did was cry in anger, silently enough for Toushirou not to hear. Ichigo cursed his filthy desires and cried in despair as he shook his head and closed his eyes, trying not to see more of the scene passing through his mind and more spurts of filth leaked out from him. He wanted to be dried out, to be totally expunged both of his guilty and of his intestine’s rotten leftovers.

He could not bear watching that brave move of his hand, which had lead him to his deepest trauma, even more than feeling desire for his friend. The very move that set to movement the wheels of his cursed fate to live in regret and fear, forsaking his desires and ducking away from opportunities. So he thought.

His hand slid around Inoue’s hips as he pushed her towards his torso. The girl looked into his eyes with a smile followed by a mysterious wink. Ichigo turned his back to Keigo and joined his hips with Inoue, getting nearer and nearer until their mouths clashed in a… bland kiss?

He could not believe that kissing was so… boring. He felt nothing whatsoever and doubted all the brags of their friends about how kissing was amazing and they were so good at it that girls couldn’t resist. It was all… well, why do people do that anyway? He thought.

It didn’t matter, however, as Ichigo believed that it would get better as they went more intimate, judging by everything he heard so far, after all, lying with a girl was every boy’s utmost delight. Ichigo’s erection leapt as Keigo, not so accidentally, bumped his bulge against Ichigo’s butt and joined his belly with Ichigo’s lower back. For the first time he felt embarrassed in that scene, wondering what was that feel for Keigo, failing to realize that he was the source of his previous arousals as well, unlike Inoue.

But it was all bullshit to him. He grabbed Inoue closer and set a distance between him and Keigo. He tried another kiss pulling her body tighter and having her hips meet his limping cock. It was another desperate attempt to seize what was told to be so good in skin to skin contact. A total failure.

_Please… don’t do that… You will… end up… like me._

Ichigo could watch himself and Inoue enter a free room in Tatsuki’s house, where the party was being held. He fell over Inoue on the bed, forcing himself to kiss more in several ways, looking for that one kiss that would turn his eyes and awake his hunger for her body.

Another great idea popped in his head, he grabbed her boobs and squished with his hands, feeling nothing whatsoever. The holy mounds as in their friends’ words was nothing special. It was so confusing, he felt his last piece of clothing being stripped as his limp cock rubbed against Inoue’s skin. It was not a bit like he anticipated.

_I told you to stop!_

Ichigo’s tears leaked from his sorrowful eyes, contouring his frowned face. His fingernails sank in his thighs leaving marks as he contorted his body in agony. He tried at any cost to send that sight away from his mind, he stiffened his whole body, clenched all his muscles and forced his ultimate expunge with a painful scream as he broke into tears and gushed out all filth from his insides along with his nightmarish memories. Thence he was completely dried, empty, clean and… thankfully thoughtless.

“Ichigo! What happened? Are you okay?” Toushirou’s worried shout is heard through the sturdy doors of that toilet. “Answer me!”

Ichigo’s trance was broken by the boy’s words, he urged to breathe a few times and get rid of the crying tone in his voice.

“I am ok, sorry… it was hard for me to… expel everything…” Ichigo could not tell Toushirou the real reason of his sorrowful screams. “I’ll take a shower… sorry Toushirou, I’ve just met you and I am making you go through all this with me…”

Ichigo’s embarrassment made him stutter to the point of being barely understandable.

“Calm down, I am not mad at you… Take your time, take a shower… We have the whole night to talk and sort things out… Also… I am sorry. We will take more afterwards…” Toushirou’s voice was serious and regretful, which made Ichigo confused about what the boy meant and what was there for him to be sorry for. However, the urge for washing out every remain of his filth, guilty and pain was greater. He rushed to the shower and felt relieved as the warm water gushed out and drenched his body in its pure embrace, taking away his worries and coating him from the coldness of the air.

_What am I going to say to Toushirou now?_

 


	6. Chapter 6

  **My sweetest despair**

* * *

The last couple of water drops dripped from the shower-head as Ichigo closed the valves. He stood for a moment leaning against the wall, building up the courage to get dressed and face Toushirou, his mind was shrouded in a mist of doubts, as dense as the steam covering the whole bathroom, that prevented him from glancing further at a future in which he and Toushirou would overcome this awkward situation and become friends.

Toushirou noticed the ceasing of the water flow's noise and was struck by the desperate doubt of how he should present himself to Ichigo, should he be sat on a chair, fully dressed, as if patiently waiting his new friend or should he be laid on his bed, shirtless with his pants unbuttoned, staring at his shy new partner with a grin? As much as he wanted something like the second option, he could not get rid of a guilt that had been disturbing him during Ichigo's whole time in the bathroom.

Two worlds of possibilities existed, everything would be possible as long as they hadn't met, however, time was unforgiving enough to not freeze at that moment and allow both worlds to collapse into a common reality. Ichigo's silhouette was covered by the dense steam gushing out of the toilet, his blushed face contrasted with the whiteness surrounding him as he faced Toushirou, sat as his bed with nothing but his unbuttoned pants showing a bit of his underwear.

Ichigo's eyes were trapped in that amusingly forbidden sight of Toushirou's pale toned body. So dangerously inviting, so hard to look away from, however, so hard to withstand staring, this was how Toushirou's body seemed to Ichigo, whose mind was travelling on the curves of the folds in Toushirou's belly downwards to the boy's exposed underwear.

Toushirou caught Ichigo's curious gaze and, with a grin, unzipped his pants slowly while watching Ichigo's body reveal itself as the steam dispersed. That moderately tanned body, still slightly rosy due to the hot bath, was begging for Toushirou's touch, he could tell it. Even wrapped by a towel, Ichigo's intimacies were thoroughly scrutinized by Toushirou's experienced eyes, he could imagine and claim every inch of what Ichigo tried to hide with that white piece of fabric.

Both remained still, looking at each other unsure of what to do next.

_What am I thinking? What would Toushirou think if he noticed the way I was looking him right now... It's already hard for me to accept this... I don't want to violate his integrity, like I almost did with Keigo. Toushirou, you are so kind and pure..._

Poor Ichigo, he was totally unaware of his position. He took the plunge and walked towards Toushirou, with his loose towel threatening to unwrap at every shake of his hips. As Ichigo got closer, Toushirou's face blushed even more as he grabbed his erection tighter. Ichigo flinched at the sight of the boy trying to hide his erection bulging on his underwear by holding it down.

_Oh no... Look what I am doing, I can't leave him embarrassed like that! Think... How can I ease his suffering?_

"Toushirou... Uh... can I sit here?" Ichigo stood before Toushirou while seeking permission to sit beside him. Upon meeting the white-haired boy's gaze, Ichigo felt touched, invaded, uncovered by those eyes. He could feel for a moment Toushirou claiming his whole body, using him to his full content. At that thought, Ichigo's semi-hard crotch leapt, leaving a noticeable bulge on the towel, which Ichigo tried to hide by rushing to sit down. He tried to deceive himself into thinking he was so fast that Toushirou couldn't see the erection popping just inches away from his face.

_That was close! Damn... I can't let him find out I am like this. Poor boy... he must be so confused, I am terrible for making him go through all this!_

"So, Toushirou... I am sorry for everything that happened so far, It must have been really awkward..." Ichigo tried to put on a smile while talking to Toushirou, feigning a good-humored approach to the series of piss-offs he delivered that night.

"No Ichigo... I can't forgive you, I am not that position... Instead, I want to ask for your forgiveness..." Toushirou's lust left his face and a surge of sadness came up, leaking tears, he continued sobbing through his speech "Please, Ichigo, don't be mad at me... I never wanted to make you feel embarrassed like that... In fact, my worst fear right now is that you will hate me forever and leave as soon as I tell you this..."

  _Don't feel like that! It's all my fault... Damn, he's about to say something so embarrassing and I can't do anything to ease this pain I've inflicted on him... If I hugged him or something like that it would only make things worse!_

"I dropped laxative on your soup during dinner." Toushirou forces out his words of guilt and looks down, waiting for his judgement.

_Huh?! Laxative... That's why... But how is that a problem? I mean, it's bad, terrible of him to do that, but I can't believe he's worried about that when something far worse is happening right now!_

"Toushirou... I think you didn't understand how bad the situation is right now..." Ichigo's face went grim and his voice exposed the pain he was bearing at that moment, he clenched his fists and glared at Toushirou, who raised his eyes worriedly.

Before Ichigo could continue, Toushirou grabbed his hand tightly while stroking his thighs with his other hand.

"Ichigo... I didn't do that to harm or embarrass you, I swear! It's just that I thought you... I mean we might..." Toushirou forced his chest against Ichigo's, falling over him. Ichigo was too dazzled to react and could only contort in pleasure as he felt Toushirou's skin rubs against his, the boy's breathing press against his chest and a pair of hands slide to his back.

"T-Toushirou, You've got it wrong... P-please, stop..." Ichigo pushed Toushirou's shoulders wimpily, trying to deny that he was about to give his whole self in. The white-haired boy felt even more aroused by Ichigo's cries and decided to play along the domination game by strongly pressing his body against Ichigo's and grabbing his butt cheeks while rudely squishing them.

"Tell me how much I am wrong..." Toushirou swung his hips against Ichigo's and bit his earlobe while whispering.

"I-I didn't come here for that... please... I am sorry for making you feel like that! I just wanted you to be my friend..." Ichigo's whimpering voice sounded like a formal invitation for Toushirou to fuck him harder, as if they were playing rape. Toushirou grinned at that and moved his face to meet Ichigo's, having his mouth hovering just above the orange-haired boy's.

"If you are really sorry I will have you make up for that!" Inhaling just a bit of Toushirou's warm breath blowing above his nose, Ichigo could feel his whole body loosen and crave for more of that man above him, he craved for the heat, for being handled, flipped, squashed, mashed, grabbed by Toushirou. Ichigo could only look at those big eyes getting nearer and nearer until his lips were abducted in a warm moist kiss and his mouth was struck by the desire of drinking from Toushirou's mouth, taking in every bit of that man. Ichigo's head flushed feverishly, his moans were muffled inside Toushirou's mouth, his erection ached, begging for attention. As Toushirou pulled back from his kiss, Ichigo felt thirsty as he never felt before, he reached for Toushirou's shoulders and tried to pull him back so weakly that it had no effect.

"Tell me what you want now" Toushirou smiled mischievously at Ichigo waiting for him to beg to fucked.

"T-Toushirou... I wanna talk... please, stop..." Ichigo struggled to let go of his desire and whimpered for Toushirou to stop the sexual harassment.

The white-haired boy didn't quite understand what was happening. Talk? Why the hell did he want to talk when both of them were so into their rape game. Maybe Ichigo was just playing the victim in an odd way, but Toushirou decided to take the risk of spoiling the mood to guarantee it wouldn't become an actual rape. Without moving, he looked seriously into Ichigo's eyes. 

"Sorry if I am spoiling everything,.. do you really want me to stop?" Toushirou asks worriedly.

"Yeah... please, just stay by my side... I don't know what to do." Ichigo rose his torso and hugged Toushirou while sobbing.

"Calm down, I'm here, just let it go... cry as much as you need, I'm here for you" Toushirou wrapped his arms around Ichigo's torso and legs and picked him up. He moved to the headboard while holding Ichigo and sat on the pillow, having Ichigo sit between his spread thighs and lie back, resting his head on the white-haired boy's chest. Ichigo could feel Toushirou's erection hitting his back, but that didn't bother him anymore, the only thing that mattered was the boy's tender arms embracing him and holding him tightly to that body that gave him so much comfort and security.

"Toushirou... Am I weird for making you do that sort of things with me? I mean... will you be mad at me for making you feel like kissing me and holding me like that?" Ichigo asked afraid of the answer he was about to receive.

"Why would I be? Speaking like that it seems as if I didn't want this and you were forcing me... which I believe was quite the opposite." Toushirou became confused with Ichigo's question and couldn't understand what was going through the boy's head. Before anything, he decided to investigate how familiar Ichigo was with that situation.

"Have you ever... I mean, how do you feel about what we were doing before?" Toushirou asked softly, while stroking Ichigo's belly. This question hit the core of Ichigo's concerns, the answer for that was so clear, yet so obscure that he could not even understand it himself.

_What does he mean... How such a good person as him would want to have this kind of relation with a man? I mean... I thought I was the one deviating him... Yet, he asks me how I was feeling! How absurd is that? Of course I was feeling... how was I feeling again? I just know I wanted more, but I couldn't tell him, nor could I accept that myself... it's so wrong..._

"I felt... wrong. Am I right? Do you think it's normal? I-I... can't say I didn't like it..." Ichigo tried to hide his face with Toushirou's arm, which was quite easy as the boy allowed him while slipping his fingertips through Ichigo's orange locks.

"Sorry, Ichigo, I pushed you too far... I thought you already knew what was going on... and what would happen if we had continued." Toushirou sighed in relief. "I am happy, though, that you spoke to me before we did something you might have been unprepared for..."

Toushirou moved his arm, revealing Ichigo's flushed face, bending forward to be able to look the boy in the eye.

"Don't think of right or wrong... Do you like me? I mean... do you like to be by my side?" Toushirou asked smilingly while caressing Ichigo's cheeks.

Ichigo was unsure of what to say, that kind of question looked like the one a girl would ask when in love with him, but it was different... Toushirou was a boy...

"I don't know if I like it... I just want it." Ichigo blushed but couldn't look away from Toushirou's eyes.

"Then I will change my question... Can I be with you, like this, a second time?" The white-haired boy moved his face closer to ichigo's head, which was laid on his lap.

At this point Ichigo couldn't bore himself with complicated things like that, he just wanted to say 'yes' to whatever Toushirou said, he wanted to say 'yes' to that boy's whole being.

"Yeah..."

"Then... sleep with me tonight, I won't do anything sexual with you. I just want to hold you and wake you up tomorrow."

Ichigo closed his eyes and let all his weight rest on the boy's lap, with a relaxed smile on his face.

 


End file.
